Tired.

Well, sadly, I dind't get up at 4:30 this morning like I was shooting for.  I heard the alarm go off, looked at the clock, hit the snooze and fell back to sleep.  I'm not sure why I didn't get up.  Sure I was tired.  5 hours of sleep really isn't that much.  But I set a goal, and didn't follow through with it.  Myabe I didn't because I'm just so used to getting up last minute,  I will continue to work on it and every night before bed, I will have to remind myslef to get up when the alarm goes off and to not hit the snooze button.  Or I'll just have to set the alarm for earlier.  A little disapointed in myself here, but I'm going to work on it.

As for what I ate today, I find I do better if I eat before I start work, even if it's just a small snacky thing.  I had one of those sweet 'n' salty granola bar things.  Next time I get groceries, I'm going to check out the odwalla bars.  I hear they're pretty good.  I did resist the muffin temptation at work to.  :)  Then breakfast, I had some mini shredded wheats with a small amount of egg.  I would guess it was 1 egg with a little vegies in it.  It had  a little sausage in it to.  When my lunch break cam around, I had a scoop of eggs with some pico de gallo while I started my homework.  On my last break I had a peice of flat bread with 2 slices of melted cheese on them (swiss & cheddar) and a cup of stormy weather chowder.  Which is basically a cream based soup with vegies.  Before school tonight, I will heat up some barley and maybe a turkey burger patter and jasmine rice with some spinach mixed in there and put some Yumm sauce over it.  Going to try to make it a small bowl this time.  Usually when I make them, they end up being huge.  Which reminds me!  I need to squeeze the lemons I got so I can put it in my water.  I learned that one of the best ways to shrink your stomach is to add lemon juice to your water.  I guess the citrus in it will help to shrink your stomach.  I'll have to do that tomorrow after my walk or bike ride.  I haven't decided which one I'll do yet.

So now it's time for me to get to my homework.  I have 3 hours before I have to leave and I need to get as much done as possible.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!!!

New Class!!

Well the new class started today, and boy am I going to be busy!  It seems a little overwhelming right now, but once I adjust to this homework load, I'll be fine.  I'll actually find time to do other stuff.  I have one project that I have to work on and send out by September 24th.  Then I will have another project that will have to be sent out October 10th.  Thankfully I didn't sign myself up for to may swaps.

But today was definately interesting as far as class goes.  I didn't have everything done which turns out was ok.  We did some of it in class and we get to work on through out the week to.  Now I have more homework to do, but thankfully I have wed. off so I will be able to do most of it then.   I've got quite a bit due tomorrow to.  And I'll only have from 3 to 6 to work on it.  Will try to work on it on my luch break at work, but we'll see how many people sit with me and see if I can get any of it done.

Otherwise today wasn't that bad of a day.  Work went good.  I resisted the temptation of our tastey pastries. YAY me!!  I had s little bit of eggs a bannana and some shreded wheat minis for breakfast.  Then I had a little more eggs with parmasean cheese and a little bit of fresh salsa.  On my last break, I had a philly warp with spinach, onions, peppers, chicken, swiss cheese and light pesto mayo in a flour tortilla.  I didn't drink enough water so I'm going to have to work on that tomorrow.  I actually ate a lot today.  I had a german sandwhich at home, with Leiberkaesse, tomatoes and mustard.  I used one of those new thin hamburger buns so I didn't have as much bread.  Still working on cutting that out.  I also had a bowl of rice with barely and some Yumm sauce in it.  So yea, I kinda ate a lot today.  I had some little fruit snacks at school.  Was proud of myself for not getting the chocolate. :)

So, now it's time for bed so I can get up at 4:30 am and go for a walk before I get ready for work.  I'm going to try really hard to get up at that time to.  I would ride my bike, but it's going to be dark and I don't have any lights on my bike.

That's going to be my goal.  Waking up at 4 :30 am to go for a walk or run (when I get there).

So good night, and Happy Monday!!!!

Blackberries!!!

Posting a little early today because not much left to do.  Today for eating I did ok.  I had a BST (substituting spinach for lettuce) for breakfast, then didn't really have lunch 'casue breakfast was kinda late.  I went up to my grandparents house and picked 3 gallon buckets of blackberries! YUMMY!  After picking blackberries I gave my grandma her bath, then she gave Munchkin $20 so we could go have sushi!  Another YUMMY!!  So we had a late lunch early dinner of Sushi.  It was good.
When we got home we got the blackberry stuff ready only to discover that we had no sugar.  So off to the store it was.  We rode our bikes since it's just right around the corner and my bike has a basket on it.  Threw the sugar in the basket and rode back home.  Got the blackberries going then went for a 1/2 hour bike ride.  My legs felt like jelly afterwards.  But it was worth it.
Soon Munchkin's daddy will pick her up for the last week of summer then I'll start in on my homework again.  Hopefully finish it.  Since I don't have to go to my grandparents tomorrow I can work on my homework more tomorrow after work.  Didn't get much done last night because I fell asleep while reading.  That's pretty much it for today, not very eventful, but a good day.  A perfect day for picking blackberries becasue it wasn't to hot.  The rest will hopefully be ready in 2 weeks and I can make more blackberry syrup!  I'm going to see if my mom will ship some of it to my little brother since he likes it a lot to.  I can't afford to send it otherwise I would.  Or I may just keep it all for myself.  Now the house smells like blackberries! :)

Happy Sunday everyone!!! <3

Uneventful Saturday

Didn't get a chance to post last night.  Let my daughter play a game while I did my homework.  Yesterday went ok.  Ate a  granola bar in th morning, didn't really eat anything else until later,which I know is bad.  Had a big dinner, again, I know this is bad.  It was jasmine rice, spinach, onions, cabbage, cilantro, parsely and a little tomato and a turkey burger patty.  It was good.  I have this sauce from a local restaraunt that is so yummy!!  The name of the place is Cafe Yumm, and the sauce is Yumm Sauce.  I'm not sure what it is, but damn it's good!  After dinner, munchkin and I went for a bike ride.  That was fun.  We just rode around the block.  She only needed to stop a couple of times this time.
We did go to Fred Meyer's and get a couple bike locks so we can ride to the store if we need something.  She's all gung-ho to go to the store by herself and get a couple groceries.  I told her not until she's older.  We also bought some souveneirs to send with our little visitor Miles.   He got sent back home yesterday.  Munchkin was sad to see him go, but she was happy that she got to say bye to him.  I about had a heart attack when we go to the post office and saw how much it was.  It was $52 to send him!!  But that's international shipping for you.
Well, time to start my Sunday.  Gonna go see what there is for breakfast.

Happy Sunday all!

What a day!

After my speil last night, I did my best to watch what I ate today.  I think I did pretty good.  I had a granola bar on my way to wrok this morning, I had some shredded wheat mini's for breakfast at work, the for a light lunch I had a little bit of Tomoato salad and potato sals that I made the other day.  It was good.  The when I got home, I had me a yummy turkey BLT.  That was super yummy!! Oh, and some veggie chips to go with it.  Then as a snack at school, I had another granola bar.  I did have 2 cookies today, but I'm trying and not having officialy started a diet, I think I did good today.  I had lots of water to.  I was tempted to have a little bit of soda, but I passed.  Had to remind myself of the pledge I mad last night.
And speaking of school, tonight was the last night of my Profesional Development class.  It's sad that I won't be in a class with those 8 people anymore, but I'm super exited to start my Pharm Tech classes on monday!  I have a little bit of homework to do this weekend but not much.  I also got my grade tonight.  I got a 96% which is an A!!  I'm so happy!  I can't believe I got an A!  Now I just have to keep that up and continue to get As.  I'm gonig to have to study A LOT harder.  One of the things that really helped though to, was the fact that we have a test once a week, and there is no acumulitive test at the end of the 4 weeks.
And now, with all my books, my back pack feels like it weighs about 80 lbs!  Thankfully I don't have to take all my books to class with me every day!
That's all for tonight.  Night everyone and Happy Friday!!

A wieghed decision

After looking through some of my pictures from the summer, I noticed that I was hardly in any of them.  I know exactly why.  It's because I don't want to stare at pictures of how fat I have let myself become.  It's sad really.  And I know you're probably saying, "you're being to hard on yourself".  The way I see it, is I haven't been hard enough!  I am the heaviest now than I have ever been.  And I'm sick and tired of it.  When I see a picture of myself I see a watermelon for a body, and a lemon for a head.  Nothing fits me right because my stomach is so big and my boobs are so small!  I can't see my feet, they hurt at the end of the day, I'm starting to have lower back pain and other health issues.  I lost 80 lbs once before so I know I can do it again.  I just need to get myself motivated and make some serious life-style changes.  It doesn't help that I have a boyfriend who is just as unmotivated and lazier than I am.  Has no job, hardly does anything around the house, goes to school one day a week and does nothing but plays video games all day long until the wee hours of the morning.  Not really conducive with trying to get motivated enough to go on a diet or do some exercising.

So I have decided that starting next week, I will make a diet & exercise plan.  I will use this blog to help keep me going and motivated.  I have to stop making excuses and thinking of reasons why I should do this later.  Going to school isn't a good enough reason to not work on being healthy.  So in my daily schedule, I will find time to exercise, whether that be riding my bike, doing laps, walking, whatever!  I will start exercising and cooking my own healthy meals.  I have taken the first step and cut out red meat, and been cutting back on my portion sizes.

Part of my motivation is my grandmother.  Every Monday I give her a bath because she is incapable of doing it herself.  She is 5'4" and about 260 lbs.  She can barely walk, she can't brush her own hair, she can't get herself dressed, she can't get in or out of bed without help, she can't stand up without help and she can't use the bathroom alone.  I don't want to end up like her.  I don't want to have to rely on my child or someone else to bathe me because I'm to fat to do it.  I don't want to have a heart attack in a few years and have to have a bypass.  I have had blood work done and my results were good.  My cholesterol is 149, so I'm ok there.

So again, next week I will sit down and make a plan.  I will post my plan here and I will blog about it every night.  No more excuses, no more putting it off.  I have to do something.  When I lost the 80 lbs I felt pretty damn good.  I looked good.  My old clothes fell off of me and I was able to buy new smaller clothes from the regular department stores.  I didn't have to go the fat lady stores.  I could buy a large, and fit into it.  If I keep going the way I am now, I'm going to be wearing mu mus for the rest of my life.  I'm not going to be the crazy cat lady in the mu mus.

So, as of September 7th I will start blogging about the struggles of my diet.  I will post pictures to help keep myself motivated.  I will do weekly weigh-ins.  I will have to use my grandma's scale, because my scale doesn't go that high.  It's actually embarrassing how big I have gotten, and even though I try to blame other people, I have no one to blame but myself.  I let myself get this obese, I let myself go, no one else.  And it's my responsibility to change it.

So between work, school, taking care of my daughter, and taking care of my grandparents I will add diet and exercise in there.  I will buy healthy foods, I will eat small meals, I will eat healthy snacks, I will get up early and go for a walk before I go to work, I won't let myself end up like my grandmother and I won't let myself become one of those people who lets themselves get so fat, they need a chair to get around.
All these years of beating myself up and putting myself down are going to end.  I'm going to build myself up and slim down!  I'm not going to care what people I don't know think.  I'm not going to let that stop me from taking a walk or riding my bike around the neighborhood.  I am not going to worry about what strangers think of the fat girl out for a run.  This is my motivation, myself.  I'm not going to do this for anyone but myself.  Everyone else will just have to deal with the benefit of my actions.

So here is the latest picture of me.  It's when we went to Disneyland and I think it shows me in all my glorious discusting-ness.  I have cankles, I have a huge, haning fat roll that almost hits my thighs.  I have a nasty, double-chin, my elbow have rolls, I have back rolls, my butt is like a shelf, my wrists are the size of ankles, even my feet are fat and swollen.

It's hard to see, but I am just absolutely disgusted by myself in this picture.  I have been hiding from cameras for to long.  Not wanting to have my picture taken because I didn't want to have to look at myself in them.  I probably weigh more than my mom and brother combined.  I weigh as much as 2 people and bitching and feeling sorry for myself isn't going to get me anywhere.

I will have an action plan written up by Friday of next week.  That's 7 days for me to figure everything out, plan out the days, the meals, and the activities.  I see lots of people loosing weight, and it's my turn to do it again.

Thanks for listening to my rant and my promise.  Words of encouragement will always be welcomed!

My first Poppet!!

I did it!  I finally made my very first poppet!!  She looks pretty good to.  With some practice I'll get better, but for my first I'm happy with her.  I have decided to giver her to my daughter as a welcome home present.  I got one in the mail a few weeks ago, and she said she wanted one.  So now she will have one!  I have some fun  fabric that I will use to make her some clothes and I have a box i bought last year that I was gonna use to put another doll that I was going to make for her.  Now I think it will be perfect for the pretty poppet I made.  I can't wait to post pics of her!  I need to get a new card reader first though.  Mine has finally died.  Cheap piece of crap! 
I gave the doll blue eyes, and will give her brown hair like my daughter has.  She's pretty big, about 18" or so. 
She was a learning experience to, I can't wait to make more now that I know how easy they are to make, and how fast they whip up to.  So many different kinds that you can make to!  If anyone is interested the original forum that they are in can be found here: Poppet and Punkin Forum

Here's the picture of her, she still needs hair though.

Happy Thursday everyone!!

Tonight's lecture

Wow!  What an informative night tonight's lecture was.  A lot of info about our cover letter and resumes.  Everyone is stressing about the resume part because no one really has a whole lot of experience writting them.  I'm stressed but confident that I will do good on my resume.  I'm not tired, which I'm a little bummed about because I wanted to get up before 9 in the morning.  Hopefully I'll get tired soon.  But there was a lot of information to process in class so I think that's why I'm not so tired.
Tomorrow I will have an early night at school because we have summer celebration and I'm going to go from 4-7 so I'll be home at a reasonable hour tomorrow.  Early to bed tomorrow!  I'm stoked!!  Now isn't that a sign that you're getting old??  When you're excited for an early bed time?  Man I sure hope not!  Hopefully I'll get my resume and what not done fairly eary tomorrow, so I can go shopping and find myself a nice outfit for mock interview.  I knew there was a reason I wanted to go to the good will today.  But anyway, I'm going to go to learn2type.com and see what my WPM is so I can accutately put that on my resume.  Ok, I'll paly with it tonight, then do it again tomorow when I'm refreshed and awake!

Happy Tuesday everyone!!

School

So far school is going great!  I'm getting an A in perssonal development so far.  Still a week and a half left of it.  This week is all about the cover letter and resume.  I'm nervous about this one, I've never really done a resume before, but I'll do my best at it!
I have to admit, that I'm a little disapointed in this class.  I was expecting it to be much harder than it is.  Our teacher is great and I love having her, I just wish there was a little bit more of a challenge in this class.  I was hoping to be better prepared for my Pharmacy tech homework load.  I found out that we will have 2 tests a week, a quiz on mondays and the test on fridays.  Thankfully we won't have a test over the 4 weeks of information.  That's a HUGE releif for me.  I've above what I've expected so far, I've got 100% in professional developement now.  I just need to work my @$$ off to make sure I get that in the rest of the classes.  I want to make sure that I get the best possible grade I can get.  Getting that 4.0 GPA is going to be hard, but as long as I work harder at this than any other schooling I know I can do it.  That's the key  here, I have to beleive I can do it!  And I know I can do it, so I will do it!!  Of course, a little encouragement and prayer from friends and family won't hurt either.  Which reminds me, I better start taking my focus factor, looks like I need to take 4 tablets a day.  I'm going to need a bigger bottle!! lol

Happy Tuesday everyone!!

Starting School!!

So I have officially started school again.  I candefinately ell it's going to be a challenge.  And that I most definately need to brush up on my math.  The first day was, obviously, the easiest.  Day 2, not so bad either.  Got our first batch of homework, and it was a lot of homework to boot.  Well, a lot for someone who hasn't been in school for over 6 years.  I think the biggest challenge is going to be sleep.  On days that I work the morning shift I need to try to get a 20 min nap in there.  And hopefully, I'll be able to sleep later that night.  Thursday will be the first day I'm able to try that.  I hope.  I have to go and give Oma a bath after work, and hopefully get my homework done before school that night.  From what I understand, when I start the Pharm Tech classes, the home work is going to be a lot more.  But that's ok.  I'll just have to learn to juggle and manage my time better.
The thing that really sucks about all this is it doesn't look like I'm going to have time for any stress-relieving activity.  No crochet, no sewing, no beading, nothing.  But it's only for 9 months, and the last month is an externship so I don't t hink I'm going to have any homework then.  I just need to make sure that I can take the whole month off and just do the externship.  I don't think it should be to hard, I mean it's in April.  People don't really take time off in April.
Well, enough procrastinating and wasting time.  I need to get cracking on my homework.  Wish me luck everyone!